4 High Quality Dating Tips From The Holiest of Women
By Johanna Duncan
Reaching your late twenties single and with multiple dating experiences behind you gives you the luxury to look back and say “yeah, that was off.” Nonetheless, claiming expertise or know it all attitude when it comes to dating is a tricky ground as so much about our relationships is based on how we authentically feel and choose to react towards situations. And ultimately, you can’t knock off experience. The helpful news is that many have come before us and even saints have dealt with similar if not exact same conundrums. Below I compiled some of the most helpful lessons I’ve learned from holy women. .
Saint Gianna Molla - Always Sacrificial
We know St. Gianna for her ultimate sacrifice: Giving up her life for the sake of her daughter’s life. If you think deeply about it, St. Gianna didn’t simply wake up that day just feeling “up to it.” St. Gianna was already living a life of constant sacrifice and selfless behavior for her family. That’s what made her ultimate sacrifice possible. In what little ways do you sacrifice for your siblings, parents, and eventually your spouse? As if it was a matter of building muscle, one must exercise it as much as possible in order to see growth.
*** I must add as a disclaimer that there is a clear line between sacrificial love and abusive relationships. No one should surrender anything regarding their dignity and safety for the sake of love. True love does not ask for hurt, it asks for surrender; and while that may be at times painful, it should not be damaging to your soul.
Servant of God Elisabeth Leseur - Don’t aim to change others.
Just days before her wedding, Elisabeth found out that her husband was actually atheist. She had the option to walk away, but she decided to stay. This was not a decision based on practicality (the dress was ready. Venue all paid. Invitations sent.), but based on the fact that she felt certain over the fact that God had still called her to marry Felix. Throughout their marriage, Felix constantly attacked her faith and tried to prove her childlike for holding on to God as a kid holds on to Santa Clause (that was his recorded view.) Elisabeth’s response was to deepen her own knowledge and understanding of the faith, just to keep up with her husband’s attacks, and pray. Elisabeth understood that the way she lived her life was Felix’s closest experience of what a Christian is and what Catholic doctrine looks like in action. His crisis of faith was the fuel for her own path to sainthood.
Elisabeth was unable to have children and later on was diagnosed with cancer. She wrote in her diary that she was offering all this suffering for her husband’s conversion. Her prayer was answered after her death, when Felix went on a trip aimed to expose Lourdes as a hoax and came back to France as a Catholic. Things did not stop there. Felix eventually became a Dominican priest and the Leseur’s love story was made famous by one of Felix’s students, Fulton Sheen.
Servant of God Dorothy Day - Keep up the Boundaries
Many are awaiting for Dorothy to become a saint. It is anticipated that she would be one of the most controversial saints as her life was complicated, and yet so typical of modern women. Before her conversion, Dorothy did not believe in monogamy and lived the bohemian artist lifestyle of New York City. Slowly, through her work caring for the poor, she came to gain appreciation for Catholic doctrine and it was having her daughter what eventually propelled her desire to live her life for Christ. But before all that, Dorothy had been living with her common-law husband, who was an anarchist and thought of marriage as a confining arrangement and refused to get legally married let alone married in the Church. The tensions were high. She loved him, he was the father to her daughter; and yet, Dorothy had to make a choice.
Dorothy left Foster and moved to another state because she understood that being close to him was a temptation she could not handle. Things did not end there. For years Dorothy sent letters to Foster asking him to marry her. In these letters she was clear and honest about what she wanted and why she wanted it, but nothing persuaded Foster and she eventually gave up.
Dorothy made a difficult choice and followed it up with the appropriate boundaries. Moving out of state as a single mom in the 30s must have been hard, but she enforced it because it was the necessary boundary in order to properly love Christ, Foster, and herself.
St. Zelie - Resiliency, Don’t Lose Sight of God
Sts. Zelie and Louis Martin made history as the first married couple to become saints, and while many aspects of their life are simply wonderful and filled with blessings, it is clear that life was not easy for them. They had nine children and four of them died in infancy. The grief and sorrow marked St. Zelie’s spiritual life as she gathered the strength to go on and support her husband and daughters through their shared grief. Some argue that St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Zelie’s daughter, had some degree of an anxiety and depression disorder, due to the fact that in light of what we now know about the human psyche her writings expose a level of emotional sensitivity beyond what is considered average.
I am sure that many tears were shed in the Martin’s household, but the praising and thanksgiving kept St. Zelie’s character strong. Through her resiliency and strength, this mom grew in holiness and brought up her husband and daughter. She never lost sight of what all these struggles were really about—God.
This last tip about not losing sight of God is what it all comes down to. Boundaries, sacrifices, and everything tied to a good relationship, is what it looks like in practice to have God be part of the relationship. The only love triangle that works (lol!).
