A New Beginning: Understanding the Process of Annulment
By Odelia Mathews,
As devastating as it may feel for anyone who is undergoing the annulment of a marriage, there are many myths associated with obtaining an annulment versus a divorce. In essence, the greatest is that an annulment is a ‘catholic divorce’ which carries less significance than a civil divorce as the latter is concerned with everything related to civil law and the legalities of it. On the contrary, an annulment bears much spiritual significance and deals specifically with the sacrament of marriage—not the legal, historical, or emotional equation of it—and examines the marriage from the perspective of the Gospel and Canon Law. This is what makes the clear distinction between a divorce and an annulment, and this article investigates the specifics of the latter and the importance of it for an individual who desires to remain rooted in the sacraments after a divorce and annulment is completed.
If anything, an annulment is a brand new beginning in Christ and, once the hurt and pain have settled, it offers a refreshing new feel of what it means to have loved and lost, remembering that with Christ we learn to rise and thrive again, and love better.
What is an Annulment and When is it Necessary?
According to the Catholic Church, marriage is indissoluble and only ends when one partner dies.
An annulment is when a Church tribunal investigates the validity of a marriage, particularly whether or not the sacrament was present at the beginning of the marriage, based on certain grounds established by Canon Law. According to the United States Council of Catholic Bishops, “An annulment is a declaration by a Church tribunal [a Catholic Church court] that a marriage thought to be valid according to Church law actually fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union.”
If a couple seeks a civil divorce, he or she remains divorced in the eyes of the state law but their Catholic marriage continues in the eyes of God, unless an annulment is granted. If an annulment is granted, based upon the qualifications of Canon Law as investigated by the Church, the marriage is considered canonically invalid meaning that the couple were never husband and wife in the eyes of the Church. This also means they are free to seek out the sacrament of marriage again.
In cases of abuse, or where there is a grave danger to the spouse or children, a degree of separation is granted to the couple. The Catechism states that, “There are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons. In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union.” (CCC 1649). Furthermore, “The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense” (CCC 2383).
According to the teachings of the Catechism, the Church maintains that if a person remarries after a civil divorce and forms a new union, without successfully seeking an annulment that deemed the first marriage as invalid, then that new union cannot be recognized as a valid marriage. In such an instance, they cannot receive holy communion and exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities, so long as the situation persists (CCC 1650). This directly relates to the Sixth and Ninth commandment, which when broken, cause a person to be in a state of mortal sin and provide reason for an excommunication.
For any individual struggling with the notion of annulment (before or after a divorce or due to any myths), it is important to remember that God does not want you to suffer for His sake at the hands of your spouse or due to your circumstances. God does not abandon you when you’ve been misjudged, betrayed, neglected, or abandoned. On the contrary, He is present to each person of the family to sustain, restore, heal, and protect them. For this reason, an annulment is important to everyone involved in the dissolution of a marriage, and may affect personal faith, experience, and growth.
When my marriage was coming to an end, I knew that I had no control over the course of things that were unfolding, except my own actions. I refused to let anything separate me from God. I knew that if I had to give up everything else, I was not ready to give up on God because this marriage was not just between me and my partner––it included Christ, my savior, as well.
An important note: My annulment was under the Apostolic Vicariate of Southern Arabia in the Middle East, and that this process is slightly different in every country and region based on the directives of the Bishop.
Entering into the Annulment Process
By no means is an annulment easier than a civil divorce. Going through the process was excruciating to say the least, because it laid bare my deepest wounds and forced me to examine the relationship from the inside-out, leaving it up to the tribunal to investigate and judge. Providing evidence and proof for my written statement and identifying the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage was a long solo battle to be understood and validated by a tribunal based on the evidence I provided as the petitioner. When seeking an annulment, either spouse may choose to initiate the process as the petitioner and the other spouse then becomes the respondent who obtains a copy of the written petition.
Here are the main steps involved in obtaining an annulment, if you are the petitioner and initiator, although it differs in every country, as per the tribunal’s requirement in that diocese:
Step 1: Approach the Tribunal at your local parish and request for the initiation of an annulment. After obtaining the guidelines based on the diocese you belong to, the process for the paperwork begins. Typically, a fee is paid based on the specified amount and this nominal payment is paid to the Tribunal office once all the paperwork is duly filled in.
Step 2: As part of the initial filing process, you will have to present your Baptism and Confirmation certificates (of yourself and spouse) along with the Marriage Certificate signed and stamped by your local parish. Along with these documents, you will have to submit your petition in writing and addressed to the Bishop, as well as answer a series of questions in the form of a questionnaire that will examine your marriage relationship from beginning to end.
Step 3: Prepare your witnesses (at least three people, or as specified) who are Catholic and are known to you and your spouse. These people should be willing to testify when called and, ideally, should have a good knowledge about your marriage.
Step 4: Once all the paperwork is prepared, along with the written statement, these are to be submitted in person to the Tribunal. These will then be checked and verified; it takes approximately 6-9 months, and at most a year, for an annulment to process. This time frame varies based on every individual case, but it begins from the time of submission, payment, and acceptance by the tribunal.
As the Tribunal assesses the history of your relationship and cross-examines your written statement so that any gaps in the story are laid bare, the process of self-reflection is enough to break you down as you recall every aspect of your relationship. The respondent and all witnesses are called in by the tribunal to provide their statements in accordance with the questions sent to them. These responses and statements, including your own interview with the Judge at the Tribunal, is all taken under oath and in complete privacy. There is never any public hearing involving groups of people together.
Whether your partner chooses to consent, participate, respond, refute, or deny everything, the process is an agonizing revelation of who they are and what the marriage means to them. Sometimes, the process also involves the painful realization that you and your spouse’s ways of seeing the world, including facts and perspectives, are incredibly different. For every person seeking an annulment, the experience varies depending on the situation, the involvement of the spouse, the witnesses’ responses, and the tribunal involved.
No matter the process and circumstances, it’s crucial to remember that an annulment isn’t about your partner, parents, or in-laws––it is about you and God. The annulment gives you clarity about yourself and where you truly stand in your relationship with God.
How an Annulment Can Grow Your Relationship with God
While divorce is common, not many Catholics view annulment as something that is necessary, and the question here becomes one of personal nature. A 2015 study found that 49% of American Catholics personally think that getting remarried after a divorce without an annulment is not a sin and only 21% of Catholics believe that getting a divorce, without seeking an annulment, is sinful. 43% of divorced Catholics did not seek an annulment because they did not see it as necessary or did not want to get one.
On both the spiritual and emotional level, it makes sense to seek Him first and heal your wounds from a past relationship before moving on to a new one. When it was difficult for me to comprehend God’s plans in the midst of my life falling to pieces, I chose to turn to Him and find solace in His words: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light (Matthew 11:28-30).
Eventually, the cross began to have new meaning for me because there, in the passion of Christ, I found the true meaning of love. It was dying to oneself and surrendering to God, just as Jesus did. As a couple, the cross signifies everything that a marriage is—a place where we give all we have and stretch out our arms for the other and our children, to embrace the will of our heavenly Father.
Many people do not heal before starting a new relationship and risk carrying old baggage and past trauma into the future. I’ve found that, painful though it was, seeking an annulment set me free to fully embrace the liberty of my faith and life-giving sacraments, and also allowed me to heal, process, and find meaning in Christ Jesus again. I knew that I had offered my beginning and my end to God long before I took my vows, so the end of our marriage was also something I could offer to Him––as long as I did my part to uphold the dignity and sacredness of the sacrament of marriage until my annulment came through. This was a conscious choice to put God first in the midst of the pain before I decided to start over again.
Give Everything Over and Let It Be Redeemed
If I could offer you anything from my own experience, it is this: especially in the midst of struggles, give everything to God.
When everything looks like it’s failing and nothing makes sense, hold onto your faith in the vocation of marriage knowing that Christ is with you and nothing you go through is meaningless. Shifting focus from your spouse to yourself and God will give you the power to see things from a fresh perspective. Each partner in a marriage carries equal responsibility for the family and children, even when the other partner is absent, negligent, or abusive. Pursuing an annulment is where you take control, ownership, and responsibility of yourself and your actions for the wellbeing of those around you by imitating Christ on the cross.
In the moments you find yourself alone in your marriage, questioning your purpose and your place as you look back at the road you have traveled together, that’s when I urge you to take courage in reflecting on Christ crucified. When you offer your suffering to Him, believe with all your heart that it will never be in vain. It requires patience but know that, in His time, He will make all things beautiful for you.
In the end, annulment teaches us to place our very lives in a safe place—God’s trusted hands. In devoting ourselves to finding God in the midst of our pain and suffering, we will be able to help ourselves and others to embrace God’s redemptive grace in our life.
For more information, visit: https://www.usccb.org/topics/marriage-and-family-life-ministries/annulment
