Addressing Doubt With Mother Teresa
By Ellen Seta
“Lord, I believe – help my unbelief.”
This is the prayer St. Mother Teresa spoke during her 50-year period of dryness with the Lord. A dryness that went unknown to others except for her spiritual director. Public knowledge of this dryness wasn’t offered until after her death.
Mama T didn’t want to publicize her struggle with doubt and disbelief, and I can understand why. She knew that she was the face of a ministry within the Catholic Church that was saving and changing lives. She knew that hers and her fellow sisters’ work was affecting far more lives than even the ones they came into physical contact with daily. She knew that influential public figures saw the work of the Missionaries of Charity and often made a point to come and shake the hand of she, their foundress. I commend her silent suffering during that time of painful ache for her Lord Whom she could not feel, did not hear, and could only experience in the people she served and lived alongside.
But I am also so, so grateful that her testimony of silent suffering can be shared with us today, because to some extent and degree, we all experience this flavor of suffering at some point (maybe only for a short time, maybe for longer than we had ever hoped or would ever care to admit).
Those words - Lord, I believe – help my unbelief - have been a great comfort to me in my own trials of unbelief, most especially in the knowledge that one of the holiest persons to walk this earth uttered them, too.
The fact of the matter is, we live in a world that rejects faith. Even the majority of those who claim some sort of faith do not openly share that fact out of fear (including myself – I would be a hypocrite if I did not address the log in my own eye): fear of rejection, rebuke, argument, confrontation, persecution, ridicule, funny looks, or just awkward silence. Our culture averts their eyes from that which is sacred, a.k.a., that which is most worthy of our attention. The common perceptions of God, faith, religion and the spiritual life are warped by both small and large lies, all twisted into a knot so tightly and intricately that it’s difficult to find where one strand of information ends and another begins. Naturally, this is a catalyst for confusion, suspicion, and doubt.
But, let’s think back again to Mother Teresa.
I remember reading Come Be My Light, a biography of hers which includes some letters she wrote to her spiritual advisor and other correspondents. It is there that her letters to her spiritual advisor revealing her loneliness, doubts, and darkness are revealed... and yet, she continues to trust.
She continues faithfully in her daily duties and commitments. She rises before the sun to be with her God even when it seems He’s not there. She encourages her fellow sisters and exhorts them to deeper holiness. She continues to be the smiling face of love and joy to the poorest of the poor, the dying who have no family to love them, the sick who have lost all hope.
Even though she could not feel Him, He lived and breathed and acted in her and through her.
He does the same in and through us. In the midst of confusion. In the midst of doubt. In the midst of disbelief, waning hope, troubling thoughts, loss of feeling His presence, trials that feel unbearable.
Don’t deny your struggle if it is one that you have – bring it into the light. Talk about it with someone you look up to in the spiritual life. Don’t let it overtake you and worry you – face it and recognize that
even Mother Teresa struggled. You know, the one who founded that one really intense religious order that serves the poorest of the poor? The one who’s a canonized saint? Do I need to say more?
Don’t be afraid to do your research. (For starters, if you want an amazing article about miracles pertaining to the pinnacle of our Catholic faith, check out this link). Learn more about what you believe and why you believe it. Seek answers. Don’t be idle – be faithful. Be consistent. Be proactive. Remember the old adage, “idle hands are the devil’s playground”? Well, don’t give him the chance to play.
Be like Mama T. Be tough. Be a servant. Be diligent. Persevere. And don’t be afraid to pray as she did: Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
You’ll be praying like the saint you’re called to be.
