Discussion with Author Rachael Killackey on "Love in Recovery"
One of our previous contributors, Rachael Killackey, recently released her debut book, Love in Recovery: One Woman's Story of Breaking Free from Shame and Healing from Pornography Addiction with Ave Maria Press. Love in Recovery is shame-free essential reading for Catholic women who want real answers about how to handle sexual desire and addiction to pornography and masturbation. Rachael is also the founder and creative executive director of Magdala Ministries—an organization that helps women heal from sexual addiction—shares her personal story as she helps you to overcome your dependency, be free from shame, and live in hope.
We got to chat with Rachael about her new book.
1) Can you tell us about the origins of this book? Why did you feel called to write it?
I've been on a mission to serve women who are struggling with addictions to pornography and other sexual behaviors for five years now, in different ways. Over two years ago, I founded Magdala to do just that in a more formal way. Ave Maria Press saw an interview I did just after starting Magdala, and reached out asking if I'd be willing to share my own story of recovery in written form. I was really excited to compile not just my own story, but the wisdom I've learned from other women's vulnerable, brave sharing of their own stories. That was the driving force behind writing this book--I wanted to write the book that I would have needed when I was really struggling, and to write something that could offer a new kind of service to the women in our community. So often, writing something that can help someone's healing just looks like sharing hopeful, real stories.
2) What was the writing process like? What were unexpected challenges you met along the way?
I expected the writing process to flow a lot easier than it did. I love writing, and have been a freelance writer for several years, in addition to lots of academic writing in undergrad and grad school, so I think I expected the process to feel familiar. Writing a book felt entirely different. I had to learn how to make sure my thoughts were integrated into a larger body and receive edits and incorporate them in a way that still honored my vision. It took more discipline than I expected to finish it, but in the end, that made it all the more rewarding. Spiritually, the Lord also used the process to reveal new ways of seeing His glory and work in my story, which was a gift. There were parts of it where I hadn't recognized His hand before.
3) What are the top three resources you used for Love In Recovery?
Unwanted by Jay Stringer was one of the main resources I used. His approach to sexual brokenness and healing is perhaps the best I've come across, and he's shaped much of how I approach Magdala's work. I cannot recommend his book highly enough for anyone who is trying to navigate their own sexual healing, or help others navigate theirs. I also reference C.S. Lewis quite a bit--The Great Divorce, The Four Loves, and Till We Have Faces in particular. Lewis is my favorite author of all time, so I might have overused him (but for the Lewis fans out there, who can blame me?). I also relied on Anna Lembke's Dopamine Nation and Gerald May's Addiction and Grace for more clinical insights.
4) What helped you break free from your addiction to pornography?
First, calling it what it was. It took me so much time to just admit to myself that this is what I was dealing with--part of that was due to my own fear, but part of it was the lack of recognition from the Church that women can be addicted to pornography. I believed for a long time that it truly wasn't possible because that was either implicitly or explicitly said. Second, it took surrender to God's power instead of trying to do it on my own, and to pursue the resources He was setting in front of me. I'm a big believer that we can't "pray it away," but that prayer plays a vital role in recovery, especially in helping us surrender. Last, it was about digging deep and finding what place pornography was meeting in me, and meeting that place with truly holy, healing things instead--whether that was meaningful relationships, deeper focus on my interior life, therapy, or taking care of myself physically. I needed to address the wounds that had prepared me for pornography, which is ultimately a lifelong process.
5) What's your top piece of advice for the young woman struggling with this addiction?
I place a lot of focus in doing that deep work. While we can get too focused on woundedness and create things that aren't really there, more often than not, our sexual behavior reveals parts of our hearts. These parts can be good and healthy, or they can be parts in need of healing--whatever the case, my top piece of advice is to seek therapy and/or spiritual direction to guide you as you explore those deeper places. Uncovering the wounds and desires we ignore out of fear or shame is a tough process, but you reap the rewards through self-awareness and continued growth in God's love. Healing isn't linear, but it does have to start somewhere!
6) Is this book just for the woman who struggles with an addiction to pornography?
Hopefully not! I tried to write it in such a way that any person walking through an oversexualized culture (aka, all of us) could benefit from it. I also wrote it in service to the priests, counselors, mentors, and friends who walk with women through their sexual healing, so I hope for it to be a professional and interpersonal resource as well.
Learn more or purchase your own copy of Love in Recovery: One Woman's Story of Breaking Free from Shame and Healing from Pornography Addiction at Ave Maria Press.
