Falling In Love Takes Discernment: A Conversation With Jita Zito

Jan 20

As the co-founder of Spoken Bride, Jiza Zito has told the love story of hundreds of brides. Now it's her turn.

VIGIL: As Co-Founder of Spoken Bride and a former wedding photographer, you help tell the story of dozens of Catholic brides...but we are dying to hear your love story. But let's start with how you fell in love with the Lord. What was your relationship like with Him as a young Catholic woman?

JIZA: I grew up Catholic, and I attended Catholic school. However, in the middle of high school, I started struggling with depression and began to question the purpose of life and existence. One day, during a time when I had to go through religious education for the Sacrament of Confirmation, I accidentally walked into a youth group meeting instead. I was so drawn to everything about it: The music. The talk. The prayer. A few months later, I attended a youth retreat. This was when I returned to the Sacrament of Confession after being away for several years. It was also my first time experiencing Eucharistic Adoration. A lot of darkness and lies in my life shattered that day, and I have been in love with the Lord ever since.

VIGIL: For many women, the thought of discerning into religious life often stirs up images of anguish over detachments, intensive prayer, and deep seeking. On the other hand, falling in love seems...easy. Can you speak to this?

JIZA: Falling in love is easy. But true love is made stronger and purer when it is placed in the fire. The more we fall in love with God, the more we are able to free ourselves from attachment and from the fear of suffering or sacrifice. The reward is great when our love is purified, even if we do not fully understand within that moment.

When we surrender ourselves, our desires, and our expectations to the love of Christ, falling in love with Him becomes infinite because He is infinite. We then in turn do everything for the love of God because it is the fire of that love that motivates us.

VIGIL: Can you walk us through the important moments that led you and your husband to the altar? Such as, was there a moment you knew he was the man you were meant to marry? Or what did your discernment look like while you were dating or engaged? Was there anything specific that helped you (prayers, saint intercessions, etc)?

JIZA: When my husband and I first started talking, a confessor gave me some direction: “Discern first if God is calling you to be together. Don’t get emotionally invested right away because it will be harder to break it off later if you’re not called to be together. If you get married, you have the rest of your lives to get to know each other.” Approaching our courtship in this way encouraged us to be more prayerful and intentional with our relationship. Unlike past dating relationships, I wasn’t swept up in sparks and emotions. God gave me “a peace beyond understanding” (Philippians 4:7), and it is because of that peace, I knew my husband was the one. As our friendship grew, falling in love came naturally and gradually.

A PEACE BEYOND UNDERSTANDING

VIGIL: Another common misconception about discernment is that it's a "one and done" deal, but how do you continue to discern your vocation after marriage?

JIZA: Vocation discernment is a beautiful, exciting and sometimes hard journey. At times, there is a sort of temptation to think that once you have discovered or entered into your vocation that it will be your "Ah ha!" moment in life, as if we have reached the summit of a mountain and the hardest work is now behind us. However, our vocation is a gift freely given by God, and it is a continuation of how we can best serve Him and draw closer to Him during our earthly life. His pursuit of you still continues even after you make your vows. We continue to cultivate our relationship with Him through daily prayer, frequenting the Sacraments, in charity and in service of others, particularly in our own family, and loving Him above all things, especially through the intercession of Our Blessed Mother, Mary.

VIGIL: You have a huge heart for beauty, and it’s reflected in the work that you have pursued...does beauty have a role in discernment?

JIZA: Certainly. God uses beauty to captivate us, and it is through that captivation, we move more towards the Creator of beauty. We may find beauty in the liturgy, art, music, literature, nature, or even friendship. We discover beauty when we experience some sort of healing or redemption. Beauty in this world is simply a reflection of God and a foretaste of the Beatific Vision. If something beautiful captivates us, let’s stop, truly enter in, and allow God to plunge us deeper into His Love and Mercy. From there, we find our delight in Him and He gives us the "desires of our hearts" (Psalm 37:4).

Jiza is the co-founder and creative director of Spoken Bride, a website and online resource for Catholic brides and newlyweds. She is also the wedding and portrait photographer of her own business called Olive and Cypress. Her photography work has been seen in LifeTeen, San Diego Style Weddings, Kara’s Party Ideas, and Radiant Magazine. Prior to meeting her military husband, she earned her Bachelors of Science in Psychology at Old Dominion University and discerned religious life. She later interned and worked at the Theology of the Body Institute in Exton, Pennsylvania. She and her husband, Mark, married on the Solemnity of Mary's Assumption, August 15, 2009, and after relocating nine times in 11 years and numerous deployments, Jiza is now settled with her husband and four children in Williamsburg, Virginia.