Gratitude for the Darkness
By Sasha Knock
Last winter, my world was shaken. Over the period of two weeks, my dog unexpectedly passed away, I went through a break-up and a close friend received a distressing medical diagnosis. After an already difficult year, I hit my breaking point.
Frustrated, angry and hurt, I questioned why God kept allowing painful things to happen. My heart became overwhelmed with pain and my chest felt heavy as I tried to navigate these situations.
We often hear about finding joy in pain; however, it’s so much easier said than done. When you’re in the thick of grief, it can be hard to escape the dark cloud over your life. My once joyful demeanor turned into one of cynicism and apathy. I lost interest in the things I loved most. I retreated inward as I felt my prayers go unanswered and began to focus on all the things God wasn’t doing in my life.
A few months later at church, the priest told the congregation about black holes and stars. Both have the same amount of energy – but it’s how they use their energy that’s the difference. One sucks the light out of everything and creates darkness. The other gives off a dazzling brightness and lights up the black of night. He then asked, “Which one do you choose to be in your daily life?”
As someone who likes to have control over her life, who likes to have a plan for everything and lives by her calendar, I realized I was having trouble surrendering to God’s plan. I like to be in control so much that it was causing me more pain holding on to things I could not change. I had transformed into a black hole because my energy was spent in the wrong direction. Instead of choosing to let go, I held onto the past. The events had happened once, but I was reliving them over and over each day.
What I was trying to control was not working, and I was tired of carrying the weight on my shoulders. Then I realized, I didn’t have to. I finally surrendered control over to God. He knows what the future holds, what is in our best interest and the deepest desires of our hearts – so why couldn’t I trust Him?
In tough situations, we can often forget what God has already accomplished in our lives. I had forgotten about the trials He had helped me through – and I remembered that He could do it again. It’s easy to forget the blessings He has brought us.
I shifted my thinking to focus on all that I’d been given instead of all I’d lost. I promised myself to find the good each day, no matter how small. Practicing gratitude each day has transformed my heart, my life and my worldview. I’ve found that on the most difficult days, it’s the small things that resonate with me the most – a colorful sunrise on the way to work, the sound of a child laughing at the store or the sound of chimes on a cloudy day.
A year has passed and God has brought bigger and better things to my life this year than I could have ever imagined. All I had to do was let go, focus on what I’d been given and let Him take control. By finding gratitude in the smallest things, I’ve found a deeper and greater appreciation for the big and beautiful things God has done in my life.
We cannot see the full picture or understand why things happen, especially in the darkest of times. Life is messy. But, the dark times do pass. You must understand darkness to appreciate the light. Trust that God knows what He is doing. No matter how dark life gets, there is always something to be thankful for. When we choose to release our trials to God, we release a light and energy into the world that makes us more like stars.
