How Do I Know God Loves Me?
By Christie Luibrand, MSW, LISW
As a clinical social worker, I’ve heard and seen a lot of pain.
People would often sit across from me, wondering aloud if they were lovable, if they were worth fighting for, if anything they said or did mattered. Hundreds of people––people of different ages, ethnicities, and genders. It is a universal question I’m sure we’ve all asked at one point or another in a moment of darkness. As a Christian woman, I have been taught that God loves each of us infinitely. Despite this knowledge, it is so innately human to ask…how? How do I know God loves me? Especially if you have been hurt.
As we begin the search for how God loves us, it’s important to remember that God never forces His love upon anyone. Love is consensual, and God respects us enough to invite us into His love without demanding it. God has given us everything we need to find our way to Him if we choose and He longs for us to do so.
For centuries people have looked to the stars and asked if there is something greater because of a desire He has placed onto our hearts. The Catechism of the Catholic Church puts this beautifully:
In many ways, throughout history down to the present day, men have given expression to their quest for God in their religious beliefs and behavior: in their prayers, sacrifices, rituals, meditations, and so forth. These forms of religious expression, despite the ambiguities they often bring with them, are so universal that one may well call man a religious being (CCC 28).
Practically speaking, we can encounter God’s love through the world and its beauty, scripture, and other people.
Natural Beauty
St. Augustine once said, “Look above you! Look below you! Note it. Read it. God, whom you want to discover, never wrote that book with ink. Instead He set before your eyes the things that He had made. Can you ask for a louder voice than that? Why, heaven and earth shout to you: ‘God made me!’” God has surrounded us with the beauty of nature in order to come to know Him, and enjoy the fruit of His creation. What a blessing it is to be a witness to a sunrise or to observe the animals He has populated the earth with! Yet, God loves you and regards you as even more precious. He made people in His image. Therefore, it’s amazing to consider that for as much care that went into creation, even more care went into you. As Psalm 8:4-7 says:
When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and stars that you set in place—
What is man that you are mindful of him,
and a son of man that you care for him?
Yet you have made him little less than a god,
crowned him with glory and honor.
You have given him rule over the works of your hands,
put all things at his feet
God views you as even more beautiful than the most wonderful sight you have seen in all of creation.
Scripture
How wonderful that we have not only the world around us to speak of God’s love, but God’s Word itself! The scriptures allow us to come into direct contact with Jesus’ words. They also allow us to map the history of God’s care for His people and offer us a touchstone in our search for greater understanding of how God loves us. One passage that has repeatedly struck me, both at weddings and in my own scripture study is 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. Though this passage might strike us as something we’ve heard a million times, I like it because it lays out exactly what love is and what it is not.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8a).
Paul is referring to agape here, the Greek word for the unconditional love of God. The love of God is patient and kind––always forgiving, always waiting, always faithful. The love God has for you is not easily angered.
God has shown how much He loves us by sending Christ Jesus in order to reconcile us to Him. He did so not because we loved Him first; rather it was a sacrificial offering of Himself for us. His offering encourages our own love: “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. . .God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us (1 John 4:11, 12b). God asks us to take the love He has given and to extend it to those around us; in doing so we become the very people who can help lead others to His love.
Spending time with God’s Word can lead us to healing. One therapeutic tool I’ve found to be powerful alongside scripture is affirmation. An affirmation is a positive statement that you make toward yourself in order to combat negative thoughts. Over time, the more you say affirmations, the more you begin to believe them. Drawing prayer into that practice can deeply influence our understanding of God and of ourselves! Some examples of scriptural affirmations you can begin telling yourself are, “I am child of God” (John 1:12), “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), “I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), and “God loves me with an everlasting love” (Jer 31:3).
If you struggle to receive God’s love, return to the scripture passages I’ve mentioned. I’ve found that this practice helps us implement an “attitude of gratitude” when we begin to doubt God’s love for us. Scripture reading is often the jumping-off point for conversation with God. Taking time to reflect on your life and the small (or large) blessings He has bestowed on you simply because He loves you, can help us better see the goodness to be found in the midst of suffering.
Is there one person in your life who always brings a smile to your face? How beautiful are the sun rays peeking through the clouds? Life can feel monotonous and meaningless if we do not take the time to notice those things, which are gifts of love. How can we extend that love to others, who may be doubting that God loves them as well?
Relationship
Not only does God express His love for us in His creation and in His Word, He also loves us through relationships with others. When I was a teenager, I went through a very dark time and had trouble seeing how anyone—especially God—could love me. One evening I was over at my best friend’s house and shared some of my struggles with her. That friend loved to write and often shared some of the things she wrote. That night, she shared a poem about someone who meant a lot to her. You may see where this is going. . .that poem was about me! I felt so unworthy of someone seeing me the way she described: confident, bubbly, lovely. She allowed me to step outside of myself and see how others see me, how God created me to be seen—truly seen. Friends and loved ones can often see our hearts for what they really are, and remind us to not dull our own light.
Friendship and community mirror God’s love for us. As a faith community, we are bound together by God’s love (see Col. 3:14). Often, people show us this love through acts of kindness, encouraging words, generosity, and offering to pray with and for us. When someone acts or speaks in such a manner to you, how do you respond? How does it make you feel? Do you automatically brush it aside, or do you allow yourself to receive that love? God has given the people in our lives as gifts, and wants us to grow in His love together. If we do not allow others in, it is likely we will struggle to let Him in as well.
The act of allowing people into our lives in times of struggle, of loving ourselves as God loves us, can take an immense act of courage. I’m reminded of a high school experience where a priest from my home parish delivered a homily about seeing others as God does, something that can be challenging. He gave us this prayer: “Lord, please grant me a piece of your Divine Love, so that I may see and love others as You do.” It has been transformative in my life. I now wonder what would happen if someone were to use that prayer to love themselves and see themselves as God does: “Lord, please grant me a piece of your Divine Love, so that I may see and love myself as You do”? What if we were to pray this prayer every day for a month and see what a difference it makes?
If you find yourself continuing to struggle with God’s love and none of the above have helped, it is important to turn to external support. Whether you talk to a trusted friend, meet regularly with a spiritual director, or feel you may need to seek professional assistance, know that there are many options. In fact, I often encouraged clients to have a support network of all of those things! There are many Catholic and Christian therapists who are ready to assist you. Visit Psychology Today, Catholic Therapists, or ask your social network and spiritual director for referrals to practitioners in your area.
