Meet Him At The Garden
By Johanna Duncan
I nailed my knees down on the concrete floor and the tears I've been holding start pouring. "Now what, God?" I attentively pray to discern my path in life and embrace the excitement and fear that comes with it. But at that moment, the future did not seem to hold what I wanted.
Right there, caught up on my strong emotions I try my best to articulate how I feel and how badly I do not want to surrender, at least not yet. I try hard because I don’t think God understands. But perhaps, He does, because God Himself has been in my position (plot twist!). At the Garden of Gethsemane, God's plan for human redemption is revealed, and after sweating blood Jesus says "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42). These words could not be better chosen. Jesus did not simply obey the Lord; in the process, He points out the surrendering required in handing over our lives to God when he says “...yet not my will, but yours be done.” Letting us know that this is not what He wants and still —he surrenders.
Self-preservation can simply be a sign of sanity, but it can easily turn into a prideful or controlling behavior. That’s the fine line between surrendering and giving up. It is a significant difference; because when we surrender, we still show up for our challenges, we are still accountable for our lives and decisions. We do not abandon the ship in the hardships; instead, to surrender is to take a seat and buckle up, knowing that God is in charge.
While knowing that holding on as an act of desperation is never part of God’s will, I let go of the precious helm. I am still filled with fears, but in full trust that now things are out of my hands and in His. I am still on the ship and I am going wherever it takes me, but to give up would be to pull down the emergency raft and row my way out of my fears and problems. As if that little raft could offer more security and take me farther than the ship God has crafted for me.
An expert in suffering, young catholic woman, and ships enthusiast—St. Therese of Lisieux once said “The world's thy ship and not thy home.” In the midst of tuberculosis and the loss of loved ones, she once also buckled up to that ship. Humility is the core of St. Therese's spiritual life, and it is the first step in the process of surrendering. To accept who we are, where we are at, and handing ourselves to God's plan. Knowing that we are called to do our best and strive hard, but we must let Him do the rest.
The Carmelites take their name after a mountain range in Israel called Mount Carmel, which means "the Garden of God" in Hebrew. It comes full circle. This saint who so loved flowers, met Christ at the Garden, and humbly surrendered her life to His will.
As I get comfortable without the helm on my hands, I try to articulate the lessons to be learned from my heartache and I realize that God’s plan is wonderful, it simply is. Sure, steering through life is a challenge, but just as Columbus, you may find a whole new world ahead. And like Jesus at the garden, you may suffer at the moment, but keep the trust because, after death on the cross, the greatest victory follows.