Readers Share: Not Dating Until College or Beyond
By Carolyn Ferguson
Whew! I know: waiting and praying and seeking a man to date is hard stuff. I remember my first days in college when I thought I was the only person who never dated anyone, let alone was kissed. It felt like this secret embarrassment of mine or something—it certainly felt like I was the only one. Well intentioned family members would ask, “Why aren’t you seeing anyone?” and I would blush and think, “Well…because no guy has ever asked me out.” But I’ll never forget the relief when so many of my fellow freshmen openly shared that they too never went on a date. Once again, I found peace in knowing I wasn’t alone!
We decided to reach out to our readers to ask them about when they started to date, in hopes that you too, wherever you are on your journey, might find some peace in knowing that you are not alone.
Reader Responses:
I didn’t have a boyfriend til I was 23. I was closed off because I had a crush on my best friend for the longest time. We finally started dating in 2021 but I put a lot of my identity in the relationship. We broke up 6 months ao and it was extremely difficult, but Jesus is healing my heart and showing me that I am his beloved, and now I’m thankful I didn’t date much because now I know who I am in Jesus, and I needed to know that first before pursuing a relationship.
I didn’t date until college and then really only dated one person for a bit. I found my fiance at age 28. It was a frustrating time prior to meeting him, but in the end I had a lot more freedom to do what I wanted and wasn’t tied down. I’m thankful for God’s timing.
I didn’t date until after college, but not by choice. I went on my first real date three years after graduation. The wait was honestly brutal and heartbreaking. Lots of comparison. Lots of wondering what was wrong with me. Though in hindsight I wasn’t mature enough to date anyway, the rejection wounds were still brutal and still run very deep to this day. I’m still working on healing that.
I didn’t find the right person until after college.
I had very strict parents, and when I went to college I talked to two guys but they only wanted a relationship filled with lust, so I didn’t date them. I felt hopeless but realized I had to learn to love myself and know the love God has for me. I compared myself to other women, it’s hard not to.
I didn’t date until I was 18.
I dated before college and regret it.
I didn’t date until I was 25 and finishing med school. It hurt my heart sometimes to feel like I wasn’t attractive or desirable enough, to be pursued or asked out, but I learned invaluable lessons but supporting my family and friends through their relationship struggles too. I learned about myself, my relationship with God, and what I am seeking in a man. Six years later, I’m dating a wonderful man and feel so fulfilled!
I started to date after college and so happy I waited! I didn’t know who I was or what I was looking for, only what I was “supposed to want.”
I dated after and struggled with feeling left out, but later on, grateful that I “missed out” on heartache and drama.
So happy I waited to date until after college!
I wasn’t ready. And I am SO thankful I waited. It helped me remain chaste, too.
I didn’t date until my third year in college.
I didn’t date until after college. I was never asked on a date. Some may have thought “hanging out” was a date, but it 100% wasn’t. Most of the time I was fine, trying to have fun and work on myself. Sometimes it made me feel undesirable and unloved. Literally cried one day on my best friend’s shoulder and asked her what was wrong with me. Now, I’m glad I didn’t date in college. I didn’t know it then, but I couldn’t have handled it then. I needed therapy and was in denail about it.
Never had a relationship until I was 27.
I began dating after college and I’m so grateful for it! I learned so much about who I am and who God created me to be. I learned how to pray and adapt to transition. It made it easier to share who I am with my now-fiance. I couldn’t be more grateful!
I didn’t date until the end of college—felt FOMO but knew it wasn’t worth it earlier because I never found the right person.
I had my first boyfriend at age 22.
I have not dated anyone and I’m 23, going on 24. I compared myself alot to others, especially those younger than me. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Am I faulty? Does no one want me? But I realized that I had to grow and to love myself and know my self worth, through our Lord who created me, before I can truly give to another. So I’m now waiting and happy about it—sometimes, lol!
I’ve been on a few dates and I’m 25. Would love to be asked out but until then I’m thankful for the friendships I have!
First date was in college.
Best decision I ever made! College is ripe with hookup culture and worth waiting it out.
