Stuck At Good Friday
By Catherine Gilmore
“And God is love, so He is here”
A truer text was never sent my way. In the midst of immense pain and seemingly senseless suffering, Love is here. Love is present, incomprehensibly strong, and closer than we can even begin to imagine.
If you doubt it, as I often do because I have short-term-spiritual-memory loss, just look at the crucifix. Let us gaze upon the wood and ponder our King lifted high in such an excruciating manner. Let us behold the moment of our salvation. That is Love. Torn apart, mangled, cut open, bleeding out, arms wide. If you ever wonder what Love looks like, just turn and face the crucifix.
Many decades ago, the Jansenists used to make crucifixes with the Savior’s arms in a narrow v upon the Cross. He hung upon the wood for some, for the elect and for the chosen. Salvation was for the few, and their art depicted that. Sin was emphasized and mercy hushed. An unhealthy obsession with human depravity captured the minds of believers. While this type of crucifix probably doesn’t hang at the center of your church, I think that sometimes we focus so much on our disparity that we forget that God is pure Love. And that Love’s arms are open wide.
Thankfully, the Jansenism heresy of a predestined elect is not commonly circulating in our church (thanks Jesuits!). But in our own spiritual lives, there is often a forgetfulness of the beauty and individuality of His relentless love. It is still so important to remember that He lovingly chose the Cross for the whole world, and at the same time, for each and every person. His sacrifice on Calvary, the same sacrifice of the holy Mass, is individual. It is personal. It is a love affair that is both two thousand years old and completely and totally real and present to us right now.
Perhaps the hard part of Christ’s love affair is actually accepting it. I used to stand before the immensity of the Crucifixion and wonder, “How could He do that for me?” But now, I find myself standing before the beautiful and bloody mystery wondering, “How can I accept that? How can I accept that His sacrifice is for me? How can I accept this kind of love?”
Giving love and mercy is so hard, but accepting love and mercy is even more difficult. How do you stand before the Father, so sinful and so undeserving, and accept your salvation? How do you thank Him for that kind of love? What can you do or say? There is no human thank you profound enough or gratitude wide enough. It is just acceptance, it is simply taking it and letting it wash you clean. It is living your entire life deeply convicted of what Love has done for you. And that is so uncomfortably hard and so painfully beautiful.
And it is not just a one and done acceptance of His love and mercy, it’s an everyday kind of thing. We must come back into His embrace for forgiveness every single day. We must come to Him over and over and over and over again. But that’s exactly where He wants us to be, close to His heart. And we must be still and allow ourselves to be held safely in His gentle arms.
This Love, the Love that would lay down His life, is boundless and unfathomable. So look at the crucifix, His gaze is upon you, and let yourself be found by His love. God is love, and He is here. His sacrifice is present, and His arms are around you. There is nothing to do but accept it and offer Him your entire life, even the parts that seem to make no human sense. He will continue to hold you through whatever may come. God is love and He is here.
