The Single Woman's Guide To Thriving During Wedding Season
By Maria Bonvissuto
Wedding season. For some, these two words bring a thrill of joy and anticipation. Others hear them and struggle with feeling mixed emotions, maybe even dread.
This time of year can be particularly daunting for women who feel like the relationship train pulled out of the station and left them behind. Whether having to be the supportive bridesmaid again or fielding questions from well-meaning relatives about why you’re not dating anyone, wedding season can feel like an emotional and spiritual minefield. It can be all too easy to plunge into the depths of doubt and comparison. Women who are longing for marriage but don’t see it anywhere on the horizon can find this time extremely bittersweet, and it’s all too easy to start to feel as if God has forgotten all about them.
So what’s a girl to do if faced with these challenges surrounding wedding season? Maria Spears, mindset coach and co-founder of the Catholic women’s ministry His Own, has some thoughts. Maria has pondered hard and spoken often about the challenges of living joyfully as a single woman. According to her, it all starts with a renewal of the mind.
“One thing that I think is important to understand is that our emotions essentially stem from our thoughts. When we have a thought, we know that it causes a hormonal and physiological response in our bodies that releases emotions,” Maria says. “There’s a reason that Scripture says, ‘Take your thoughts captive,’ and ‘Be transformed by the renewing of your mind,’ and that’s because what we focus on, we will literally see more of.”
Retraining the brain to focus on the abundance in a person’s life rather than what they lack has a positive domino effect. People who consistently seek out and focus on the good in their lives will find more and more riches. As they become more naturally attentive to the good, they also become more open and receptive to the many unexpected blessings that God wants to give them. A habit of gratitude frees people to live fuller lives, pulling them out of the easy tendency to turn inward and despair.
“If we haven’t learned some tools like mind-management and emotional command, then we’re going to feel particularly stuck and miserable during those times,” Maria explains.
Even with gratitude, though, single women may still experience unavoidably painful days. Maria acknowledges the very difficult tension between hope and unfulfilled desire. She emphasizes that it’s important for a woman not to ignore the ache she might feel during a time like wedding season. She should treat herself with compassion and give herself permission to feel sad. The key to successfully acknowledging her emotions, though, is not to remain stuck in sadness.
After giving herself some time to sit with whatever emotions she is having, she can resolve to start fresh the next day. It is a constant process of picking oneself up again and again, choosing to cultivate gratitude and hope, even when the feelings don’t come easily. And while persevering in these attitudes of the heart can be hard work, it can completely transform a person’s life.
“When I hope, I show up to my life totally differently, and I give in generosity in a different way,” Maria explains. “The enemy steals our hope, and when hope is gone, we go inward, and we stop living from a place of fiat like Our Lady. You can live in hope and experience sadness.”
Maria also recommends journaling for women who are feeling the sting of being alone. “Write down what you’re thinking and feeling,” she advises. “Say, ‘Okay Jesus, how can I enter into this space with you?’ Put space between thoughts and feelings. Write it all down and then invite the Holy Spirit. Say, ‘Precious Blood of Jesus cover me, what do You have to say about this?’ And then just write, and see what comes out.”
Finally, Maria stresses the importance of each woman leaning into the mission that God has for her—a mission that no other person in history can fulfill. God desires wholeness for each of His children. This means taking care of oneself not just spiritually, but also physically, mentally and emotionally. True wholeness and peace are things that each woman is designed for and can achieve regardless of her relationship status.
