To Love Is To Be Vulnerable
By Sarah Kozak
“To love at all is to be vulnerable.” - The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis
The first time I read this line by C.S. Lewis, I instantly added it to my list of favorites, but thought of it only in terms of a romantic relationship. In my mind, vulnerability was one of those things I would really need to work on once I started dating someone. But until then, I didn’t have to worry. I never thought of it as being very applicable to my current state of life until recently. I have always struggled with vulnerability. I think primarily because I have a really hard time with the thought of others seeing me as being weak. It’s prideful I know, but all too often I have chosen not to share my real opinion on a matter or have not been open about ways that I’ve struggled because I was afraid. I preferred trying to protect an image I had constructed for myself as being “the girl who does no wrong” rather than “the one who is human and isn’t perfect.”
Each of us has been created with a very natural desire to be truly seen and known. To have another person gaze into the fullness of our hearts and affirm that we are cherished by them, imperfections and all. However, it is very easy to fall into the lie that the love we receive from others is conditional - that if we mess up or reveal the things which we struggle with, they will pull away and leave us standing in our shame. The go-to solution? We hide. Just like Adam and Eve in the garden, we consider this the “easy way out” rather than asking for help and admitting when we fall.
When we choose to hide our true selves, we are essentially depriving others from witnessing a unique aspect of God since each of us manifest a different part of His heart to the world. The devil tricks us into thinking that we should be ashamed of who we are or feel as though we need to become more interesting, put-together, or funnier to be truly loved and desired. There are walls upon walls I’ve built in an attempt to prevent others from seeing the totality of my heart; bricks that were made out of fear and cement formed from a desire to control. And the lock that bolted the door? My pride. I was terrified of rejection. So much so that I often chose fear over love.
The word “vulnerable” comes from the latin word “vulnerabilis” which literally means “wounding”. In being vulnerable, I am essentially giving others the ability to wound me where it will hurt most deeply. To say it is scary is an understatement. There’s a reason why it is difficult. But when I set aside my fear and pride to reveal the truth of my heart and the reality of my story, this is when I become most like Christ when He hung stripped on the cross. He knew that His mother, John, Mary Magdalene and those who loved Him most, would remain faithful even when faced with the grotesque crucifixion. In the same way, I must believe in the faithfulness of those I love most, and not be afraid to share my wounds with them. In being vulnerable, I am essentially saying, “I believe in your love for me so much that I am willing to share with you my brokenness. Trusting that you will walk with me instead of walking away.”
St. Paul tells us that “[God’s] power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9). In the moments when we feel at our weakest, that is when He is most clearly able to manifest His glory. When we are vulnerable, it is in those moments that we are able to say to others, “Look at the miracle of what God has done through my broken humanity!” That wall you’ve built around your heart? Vulnerability allows you to essentially smash it with a sledgehammer and allow God’s light to stream through its cracks to shine on those around you. Vulnerability is meant to be a part of who we are. Since each of us has been created to love and be loved, one could say that we have also been created to be vulnerable.
St. John, who was taught by Love Himself wrote: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love” (1 Jn 4:18). It is the devil who wants you to live believing that you have to be afraid and try to impress others. Only solid objects can make a deep impression on a soft surface. In the same way, only the true weight and reality of your story can make a true impression on the heart of another person.
Each of our stories have been created with the intention of bringing light and inspiration to those around us. How could they not since God is the One writing them? So rather than hiding behind the mask of people-pleasing, step out towards the Light. I guarantee you’ll be in awe of the freedom that follows and of the ways that God wants to use your story to shine His light in the world.
