To Love Loosely
By Anna Laughery
There are two ways to hold something in your hands. Take some loose change for example. You can hold on to the loose change with all your might, fists clenched and knuckles white. You can clutch your clenched fists close to your chest and protect the change in your palms from being stolen, keeping them hidden from the world. You can hold them so tight the sweat from the anxiety and fear of losing causes the pennies to rust, the nickels to lose their shine and the quarters to grow clammy.
Or, you can hold the change in your open palms. You can leave them out in the open for the sun to shine on, for them to be admired, and even for them to be stolen. You can let them breathe so they don’t rust or lose their sparkle, but are still at the danger of the elements. You can leave the fate of your little loose change to everyone and everything but yourself.
Just as there are two ways to hold something in your palms, there are two ways to love. You can love tightly, clinging to the beloved with all your might. In this way, the thing which you love is safe; it isn’t going to be stolen or affected by external elements. But it also isn’t free. If you love loosely, there is and always will be danger. What you love can be taken or damaged, but it is also free to grow, change, flourish and be transformed by the Lord.
Going back to the example of the loose change, my question for you is this: How can the Lord turn the loose change in our hands into dollar bills, or maybe into something infinitely more valuable if we close our hands to him? This question of loose loving applies to every aspect of our lives: How can he take our dreams about our vocation and transform them into a radical adventure if we wrap our fingers in a death grip around them? How can he take our schedule and create spaces for his Spirit to work if we keep it under lock and key, away from his transformative touch?
My challenge to you is to hold what you love loosely. Whether it is your significant other, your schedule, your vocation, your family, your friendships, your job or anything else you hold dear, hold them loosely. If you cling on to them too tightly, you grasp at a semblance of control, but in reality your fear of loss is what controls you. This a daunting task, dear sister, I know. For most of our lives we have been taught to grasp for the things we need and want, but the Gospel teaches us to love loosely, leaving the control to the Lord. So take this budding desire to love loosely to prayer. Sit in silence with open hands and open heart and imagine the things you love the most are in your hands. Allow him to do with them what he will. Who knows what he will do? He may leave them, he may take them or he may make them better than we could ever imagine. But in the end, his will is infinitely better than ours and, as our dearest Mother said, “I am the handmaid of the Lord; do with me what you will.”
If surrender and trust is something you struggle with, use this beautiful Litany written by the Sisters of Life to enter into a more trustful surrender to the Lord:
From the belief that
I have to earn Your love
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that I am unlovable
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the false security
that I have what it takes
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear that trusting You
will leave me more destitute
Deliver me, Jesus.
From all suspicion of
Your words and promises
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the rebellion against
childlike dependency on You
Deliver me, Jesus.
From refusals and reluctances
in accepting Your will
Deliver me, Jesus.
From anxiety about the future
Deliver me, Jesus.
From resentment or excessive
preoccupation with the past
Deliver me, Jesus.
From restless self-seeking
in the present moment
Deliver me, Jesus.
From disbelief in Your love
and presence
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being asked
to give more than I have
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the belief that my life
has no meaning or worth
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of what love demands
Deliver me, Jesus.
From discouragement
Deliver me, Jesus.
That You are continually holding me
sustaining me, loving me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That Your love goes deeper than my
sins and failings, and transforms me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That not knowing what tomorrow
brings is an invitation to lean on You
Jesus, I trust in you.
That you are with me in my suffering
Jesus, I trust in you.
That my suffering, united to Your own,
will bear fruit in this life and the next
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You will not leave me orphan,
that You are present in Your Church
Jesus, I trust in you.
That Your plan is better
than anything else
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You always hear me and in
Your goodness always respond to me
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You give me the grace to accept
forgiveness and to forgive others
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You give me all the strength
I need for what is asked
Jesus, I trust in you.
That my life is a gift
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You will teach me to trust You
Jesus, I trust in you.
That You are my Lord and my God
Jesus, I trust in you.
That I am Your beloved one
Jesus, I trust in you.
Amen.
*This incredibly beautiful prayer was written by Sr. Faustina Maria Pia, Sister of Life and originally published on the Sisters of Life website.
