What I Learned from Online Dating
By Meghan Wittmer
Back in November of 2020, I met a cute guy at a wedding. My friends noticed him flirting with me and told me I should go for it! He was a tall, smart engineer…a perfect match for me! I was filled with excitement and hope, only to discover, to my disappointment, that our contact ended after the wedding.
A few days later, I reached out to a work acquaintance. My friends had been trying to set us up for a while mainly because he was Catholic––and also a tall, smart, engineer. I was tired of waiting around for him to make a move so I decided to reach out. He reciprocated and we started getting to know one another. This ended as quickly as it began when one day he claimed he was too busy––I got the message and walked away. Yet again, a guy recommended by my friends was not actually interested in dating me.
Due to these repeated disappointments, I decided to try online dating. I figured I could use the same filters (height, age, and education to name a few) to find the guy I was looking for. I quickly hit it off with one and we messaged for about three weeks. I was excited because he seemed to check off every box on my list! As it turned out, our conversation did not flow as easily over dinner as it had over the internet. He promptly rejected me, saying there was no spark between us. It dawned on me that perhaps the “filters” I was using on coworkers, wedding guests, and dating app profiles just weren’t right. Or maybe I needed to try a different app?
Ultimately, I decided to join another dating app and quickly became so obsessed with the filters that I began ignoring guys who were right in front of me. I met someone at a Catholic young adult retreat and initially closed myself off as he was making conversation. I thought that online dating was just…easier—I could learn all about a guy in a few minutes’ time and see his age, career, and religious and moral beliefs listed on his profile. With this guy, I would actually have to talk to him in order to learn more about him. Why waste my time getting to know someone who might not meet my criteria? Why risk being disappointed again? As the weekend went on, however, I let my guard down and realized we had several things in common as well as great chemistry. Meeting him showed me the importance of having an open mind with guys who express interest.
My brief online dating experience has taught me to cast aside the well-known criteria list. While it is important for a man to hold the same general religious and/or moral beliefs, we don’t have to filter him to the point of knowing exactly where he stands on all religious, political, and moral issues before talking to him. In fact, interacting with guys who hold a different viewpoint can actually strengthen our beliefs and help us determine what we are/are not looking for in a future spouse (and remember that dating non-Catholics isn’t always a deal breaker, either). This type of discussion can be mutually beneficial for both parties. You might even find yourself pleasantly surprised by a man you weren’t expecting to have much in common with. (And if not, he may have a friend who has more in common!)
All in all, I have decided to be open to the guys who cross my path, trusting that God will lead me every step of the way!
