Why You Can Quit Your Ministry Job
By Madison Chastain
Aside from a brief three months that I worked a summer job at a retail outlet, barely making enough money to cover the cost of gas to and from, every job I’ve had has been ministerial. From coordinating student liturgies, planning pilgrimages, and facilitating retreats, to advising peers and planning events at the college writing center, to teaching middle school religion, to being an archdiocesan youth minister. Now, my full-time job is in high school religious education with an academic nonprofit, my part-time job is in spiritual accompaniment within a faith-based intentional community, and my “side gig” is just this: writing for religiously-affiliated publications and communities.
I’ve had a lot of different types of ministerial jobs, but they’ve all had similar things in common:
A significant portion of my work has been in education and communication.
Every organization has been Catholic to some degree.
Service and interpersonal relationships have all been implicated within the work responsibilities.
Every organization has been “under-staffed” to some degree, with expectations for “pulling extra weight.”
These are not the totalizing components of a ministerial job, but they are key components that come to bear on the common challenges in boundary-setting within a ministerial environment. These challenges to firm boundaries leave persons in ministerial positions ripe for exploitation, and often it is difficult to envision leaving a ministerial position, even if one is being mistreated.
This is what I’d like to explore in this piece: The common problems that plague persons in ministerial positions, the reasons ministerial environments lend themselves to these problems, and some practical tools for how to do what might very well seem impossible: Negotiate for better treatment or, if that’s impossible, quit. It’s true: You CAN quit your ministry job.
Quitting well
I myself have quit a ministry job. Quitting, like breaking up with someone, is never pleasant. It’s awkward and tense, and no matter how positively it goes, there are still questions that linger in the air about what interactions in that space and with those people will be like going forward. But, there are ways to quit well.
Certain strategies for quitting well apply to all jobs, ministerial or not:
Give ample notice, and try if possible to have your last day fall after the conclusion of any significant projects. Two weeks notice is the legal minimum, but it is far better to give 1-3 months notice.
Initiate the conversation in-person if possible, or over a considerate email with a request for a follow-up conversation over phone if not possible to meet in person.
Try not to talk to any of your coworkers about leaving before you’ve told your boss.
To be sure, doing these things may not be realistic in situations of severe mistreatment or miscommunication. And even if you do these things, you might still be met with anger, resentment, confusion, or mistreatment in the meantime. Quitting can crystalize the picture of the very mistreatment that is driving you away in the first place! If you announce your departure and face additional harassment, passive-aggression, or disrespect, you should take this as further proof that you made the right decision.
Navigating doubts
But doubts can still linger. Intrusive thoughts can sound like…
“This is just how jobs are / ministry is…”
“If I quit, I won’t be able to get a job in this Diocese ever again. Everyone will know I’m a quitter!”
“If I leave, I’m going to let down my students / coworkers / youth ministry kids. I don’t want them to stop trusting me. I still want these people in my life.”
“This is God’s work. God is permitting this suffering for a reason. He is testing my faith.”
And perhaps most dangerously, “Oh, it’s not actually so bad…” after one or two good days.
It’s true: Ministry is challenging. But there’s a difference between challenge and mistreatment. It’s astonishing how quickly we can forget in situations like these that we do not believe in a God who wills our suffering. God’s permittance of suffering momentarily is not the same as Him wanting you to stay in the suffering forever, especially if there are healthy ways to step away. Even more true is that God wills the good for your life (see Romans 8:28). If this job is mistreating you, you can trust that He has something better in store, even if it isn’t as obviously labeled “God’s work.”
It can be scary to step away, especially if the job that isn’t the right fit has brought good and true relationships into your life. But remember: Truly good and beautiful relationships will not be contingent upon you staying in a role that is unhealthy for you. True friends will stay in your life even if you don’t share an office. Your students will still love and value you, even if they don’t see you every week. Love is willing the good of the other; work relationships should will your good too!
A reluctance to leave a ministry job, especially one rooted in positive relationships, might come back to the fear of not being liked. Even if you don’t have relationships with your coworkers or constituents, it is difficult to know anyone dislikes you. If you quit your ministry job, people’s feelings about you very well may come to the fore. People who didn’t trust you might paint your quitting as an example of this lack of trustworthiness. People who disagreed with your beliefs or procedures might have “good riddance” feelings. Please know that these feelings are immature. Quitting a job is not a symptom of untrustworthiness. Someone being happy about your absence says more about them than about you.
Remember: Being disliked is not the same as being bad at your job. We can feel that way, especially in the world of networking in which professional and personal opinions can bleed together. But mature, responsible adults in positions of hiring will be able to see through interpersonal squabble and view you for your skills, assets, and gifts. It’s important to consider that you don’t want to work for someone who gives in to gossip, whether they’re your old or new employer.
Chances are, if you are working in a ministry position, any changes to your job responsibilities, or your departure altogether, will drastically impact the workload of your coworkers. This is in no small part due to tendencies towards smaller staff aided by relational beliefs about ministry; that people will rally, “be a family,” and take on additional responsibilities out of the goodness of their heart and the need to “do the Lord’s work” or “further the mission.” This can lead to a number of troublesome traits:
For one thing, the values of the faith can become enmeshed with individual worker values. If your faith espouses values of self-sacrifice on behalf of the Gospel, your faith coming first in all things, and service as a requirement of faithfulness, working for a faith-based organization can lead to a convoluted vision of these values. Instead, they sound like sacrificing yourself on behalf of a job, your job coming first in all things, and working in service to your job’s particular community as a requirement of good standing with the Lord. It is important to return to the core values and recognize that there are many ways to pursue them. There are other ways and places to do service. Your faith coming first can look like leaving that job if it’s impacting your physical, mental, or spiritual health.
Similarly, the values of the faith can become enmeshed with workplace values. If the expectation is that workers will feel these convoluted feelings about allegiance to a faith-based workplace, then managers may not feel the same urgency around creating a healthy, positive work environment with reasonable expectations. If part of “God’s work” is holy sacrifice, then worker discomfort and burnout are all a part of this sacrifice. Management may expect workers to prioritize work and service over personal relationships, health, and spiritual development no matter the day or time, because of the belief that faith (the job) comes first.
Ministerial workplaces might try to account for this overexertion by supplementing these unfair expectations with language about community, family, friendship, etc. “We’re all in this together” language is meant in part to quell these feelings of burden. This, too, bypasses worker boundaries and places interpersonal responsibilities atop professional ones. “You wouldn’t say no to your family, would you?”
Setting healthy boundaries
In these cases, it can feel not only difficult but disrespectful to set boundaries, as if by doing so you are turning away not just from your job’s expectations, but from God’s. But hear me now: Work is not religion.
“The Dignity of Work and the Rights of Workers” is a crucial and intentional component of Catholic social teaching. The key word is “dignified.” We often view this Catholic social teaching in the context of impoverished or developing communities where there are concerns about child labor, forced labor, and subminimum wage. These are, obviously, dire labor issues to prioritize. But don’t forget: Dignified work and worker’s rights apply to YOU too!
If you don’t think you ultimately wish to leave, but these things nevertheless ring true and you are wondering what you can do to make a difference, I’d like to return to the idea of setting boundaries. Here are some ideas for setting boundaries in the ministry workplace:
Hold yourself, strictly, to the hours in your contract: If you agreed to a 40-hour work week, hold yourself and your boss accountable to that expectation. This is often more reasonable advice than saying, “Don’t take work phone calls” or “Don’t check work email” when you’re not in the office. Sometimes, especially in ministry, you have to. But if you do, factor this into your hours and stand firm. You’re allowed to stop working when you’ve worked your due hours. (If your contract doesn’t list hours, or you never signed a contract, sit down with your boss and discuss the hours you’ve noticed yourself working.)
Similarly, hold yourself to your job description: Parish life runs on volunteers. You will, undoubtedly, be asked to take on additional projects if you work in ministry. If you find yourself being overused or neglected, it’s okay to say “No.” You don’t have to take on every project you might be right for. What’s more, it’s okay to remind your bosses of the job you agreed to.
USE. YOUR. SICK. DAYS: There are zero awards for least PTO used. You are given sick days, bereavement days, and vacation days for a reason. USE THEM. You WILL feel better and have a clearer mind if you take time to step away.
Have a place of worship separate from your workplace: It can be incredibly challenging to feel like going to Mass and praying is a part of your job. In my own life, the best thing I have done for my spiritual health when I’ve worked in ministry is to have a church I can go to that isn’t the one I work for. It provides distance from your immediate coworkers and constituents, and can remind you that you’re a child of God first and a worker second.
And if you try all these things and nothing seems to work, then it might be time to start looking somewhere else. Quitting will be hard, but you are worthy of dignified work that brings you joy. Bring it to prayer. This is the heart of discernment. Talk to loved ones outside of your workplace about what they’ve noticed in your behavior, energy levels, and language when talking about work or coming straight from the office. Most of all, take heart in knowing that, no matter where you work, Christ goes with you and imbues everything you do, job title irrespective.
