A Woman Acquainted with Grief
By Mary Frances Myler,
At the young age of eight, I received the sacrament of confirmation. As I’ve come to realize, this is a fairly young age for the sacrament, and many Catholics are confirmed later in life––usually as a teenager or an adult. For me, the most exciting part of the sacrament was choosing a confirmation name. As an eight-year-old, my thought process was simple. I chose to take my grandmother’s name: Dolores, Our Lady of Sorrows. Over the years, I’ve come to realize the beauty of this name for Mary. She points us to the cross and the heart of the Christian life through her surrender to God’s will.
The title “Our Lady of Sorrows” draws on Scripture passages which illustrate the sufferings born by the Mother of God. Her fiat at the annunciation heralded a life filled with the miraculous grace and unintelligible joy of being the Theotokos, the “God-bearer.” And yet, as befits one who lives so intimately with Christ, Mary’s life was also filled with pain and sacrifice. When she said “yes,” she embraced the fullness of Christian life, encountering both the darkness of the Passion and the glory of the Resurrection.
In the temple shortly after the birth of Jesus, Simeon famously prophesied: “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted. And you yourself a sword will pierce, so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed” (Luke 2:34-35). This imagery is often depicted in illustrations of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. But what is the sword that pierces Mary’s heart?
In the history of devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows, the sword is represented by the seven sorrows traditionally identified within Mary’s life, beginning with the prophecy of Simeon. The second sorrow is the Holy Family’s flight into Egypt, when Mary and Joseph sought refuge from Herod’s murderous persecution.
The loss of Jesus in the temple is the third sorrow. Upon finding him, Mary asked, “‘Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety’” (Luke 2:48). The relief of finding Jesus was preceded by the sorrow of loss and uncertainty. Even after their return to Nazareth, “Mary kept all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:51), embracing the mystery of living so intimately with God himself.
The last four sorrows occur throughout the Passion. Mary was present for the death of her son, and the brutality of Roman crucifixion and callous mockery of the crowds deeply pierced her loving heart. She met her son along the path to Calvary; she saw his bruised and bloody body, bearing the weight of sin and sorrow. Mary stood at the foot of the Cross and heard her son’s final cry of surrender. She cradled his body when Jesus was taken down from the Cross – a scene most famously rendered in Michelangelo’s Pietà. And finally, Mary watched as the stone was rolled in front of the tomb and her son was placed among the dead.
In all her sorrows, Mary suffers greatly. But, as Simeon prophesied, it is through her suffering that “the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed” (Luke 2:35). Through Mary’s sorrow, we grow in our understanding of Christ and his invitation: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Our Lady of Sorrows shows us how to bear our crosses well, following Christ through the suffering of his death into the glory of his resurrection. St. Bonaventure asks of Mary, "O Lady, where art thou? Near the cross? Nay, rather, thou art on the cross, crucified, sacrificing thyself with thy Son." Mary embraced the cross in her own life, always accepting God’s plan for salvation with the humble response, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).
It is hard to embrace suffering, especially in a world which constantly chases after pleasure and avoids hardship at all costs. Yet, Mary, Our Lady of Sorrows, draws the strength to crush the head of the serpent (Genesis 3:15) from a relationship with God and an acceptance of his will. His grace enabled her to face the uncertainty of the Nativity and the flight into Egypt, the anxiety of losing Jesus in the temple, and the unimaginable horror of seeing her son beaten and killed. This grace empowered Mary to stand firm in the face of evil and participate in the victory of Christ’s triumph over death. Even as she buried her son, she hoped.
Our Lady of Sorrows demonstrates the infinite possibilities born of faith––the reality of hope amidst pain, the path through the cross towards lasting peace, the possibility of sorrow that is not final.
In Constitution 8 of the Congregation of Holy Cross, titled “The Cross, Our Hope,” the order articulates this vision of Mary and the Christian life:
There stood by the cross of Jesus his mother Mary, who knew grief and was a Lady of Sorrows. She is our special patroness, a woman who bore much she could not understand and who stood fast. To Her many sons and daughters, whose devotions ought to bring them often to her side, she tells much of this daily cross and its daily hope. If we drink the cup each of us is poured and given, we servants will fare no better than our master. But if we shirk the cross, gone too will be our hope (120).
A woman who bore much she could not understand and who stood fast… This is where I see the guidance of Our Lady of Sorrows in my own life. In seasons where my heart aches because of situations I cannot control or fully understand, I have returned time and time again to Our Lady of Sorrows. She stood fast, trusting in God’s plan, even – and especially – when she could not understand. This limited understanding is a cross to bear, for we must surrender our desire to control the conditions of our suffering.
We must say with Christ, “If it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). There is no path to the Resurrection that does not first encounter the cross, no fullness of life without sacrificial outpouring. Constitution 8 reminds us that in the Christian life, “we will find the dying and the rising equally assured.” Our Lady of Sorrows reminds us of this assurance with the promise that we will one day say with the psalmist, “You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness” (Psalm 30:12).
And so, Our Lady of Sorrows is a comforting companion for the journey through life. She is a mother who knows the pain of our deepest heartaches, who has faced evil with complete faith in God, who hears us as we wander, “mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.” No matter what we encounter in this life, Mary remains a steady beacon of hope and solidarity, always directing us towards her son.
