Carrie Gress Speaks to the Desires of the Feminine Heart
By Isabella Childs
Much of Carrie Gress’ book, The Anti-Mary Exposed: Rescuing the Culture From Toxic Femininity, discusses where the radical feminists of the ‘60s went wrong, trying to erase all differences between men and women, and with these differences, women’s unique privileges and gifts. Gress tells some bone-chilling stories of the involvement of these radical feminists in the occult. Approximately the last half of the book, however, talks about the key to unveiling our real feminine potential in light of the Blessed Mother.
In our confused culture today, it is easy to question our roles as women in modern society. Even as a college student at a Catholic university, I felt hesitant to tell my professors about my desires to be a wife and mother, since I was an ambitious student and felt pressure to achieve academically, athletically, with internships, and with a career. My politics professor related to the class how female graduate students would visit her in office hours, breaking down and “confessing” their longing for families of their own. As a single Catholic woman, I’ve also had the usual worries about my vocation in life, viewing vocation narrowly as either marriage or the religious life, and putting my personality and experiences under a microscope, painfully looking for signs of which particular path I should choose.
But what if we need look no further than our own bodies which God has shaped, and the desires which God has placed in our hearts, to know what we should seek to find fulfillment in this life and the next? Carrie Gress identifies several universal desires of the feminine heart, which point the way to our mission in life: 1.) To know the truth of who we are and secure a recognition of our dignity 2.) To be fruitful and do what is right and good 3.) To be beautiful.
The truth of our feminine identity is not to be found in academic and athletic achievements or career-seeking. Our feminine identity is not dependent on how our parents raised us or how men have treated us. Our feminine identity cannot be eclipsed by our spiritual, mental, and emotional wounds. Every woman is, primarily, a daughter of the Eternal Father and an icon of the Blessed Mother. This truth about the feminine identity is evident in a woman’s physical and spiritual fertility. Even radical feminists long to use their gift of fertility, as Gress notes:
Three women were recently featured in a secular magazine. They were, by most standards, normal, well-adjusted women—they had exciting and adventurous jobs, plenty of money in the bank, and men at their disposal. They seemed to be living the feminist dream. And yet, they all said there was something missing. One said she felt the urge to just bake bread, another wanted to grow a garden, a third said she felt like quitting her job and raising a bunch of children. There was something deeper that these women wanted to grow, make, nurture, and love (133).
All women, whether they are radical feminists, homemakers, single, married, or consecrated, long to be fruitful. Physical fertility should be nourished and cherished. The fertile body is beautiful. But physical fertility is only a means to and an emblem of the life and goodness a woman is capable of sharing with those closest to her.
What does it look like to actually honor our fertility? [Honoring our fertility involves understanding] that at the core of every woman’s heart—though it may be buried under abuse, contempt, ignorance, or misunderstanding—is the desire to be fruitful, to be a vessel, spiritually and physically, for others to find strength, care, affirmation, charity, nurturing, and home. Fertility is the desire to do good things. Edith Stein said that women ‘fulfill themselves by giving some of their own life so that others may live’ (134).
A woman’s unique self-gift involves nurturing others with her own body, mind, and soul. This is her ultimate expression of fruitfulness—God’s creative goodness. It is through our goodness that we are true to our feminine identity, fruitful physically and spiritually, and beautiful.
Maybe this sounds lofty—and it is—but our mission of self-gift can begin now, whatever our state in life, whatever our mental, emotional, and financial state.
When I remember this simple truth, I am freed from the pressure to succeed in the world, to find the right husband, and even from the pressure to be a perfect holy woman right away. I am freed from the worries about my future life and family. I’ve taken the words of Mother Teresa to heart: “If you want to change the world, go home and love your families.” I enjoy taking a friend out for coffee, baking cookies for my siblings, and sitting down for a glass of wine and conversation with my parents.
Simply loving those around us in the moment is the best way to walk in the truth of who we are, to be fruitful, and to be beautiful.
