Engaging with Suffering: An Interview with Caitie Crowley
By Lindsey Weishar,
On May 22nd, 2019, Caitie Crowley suffered a traumatic car accident. Though the accident took much away from her––like her ability to dance and engage in high-intensity fitness––it also gave something to her: a renewed and abiding trust in God and his love. Her book, Stepping Up: How Christ Turned My Pain & Suffering Into Hope & Joy, tells this story. In the following interview, Caitie shares her writing and recovery journeys, and speaks to those going through seasons of suffering.
Lindsey Weishar: Tell us a bit about yourself and your story as it relates to Stepping Up.
Caitie Crowley: Prior to my traumatic car accident, I was an ordinary 24-year-old girl. I was working at a marketing agency while attending graduate school at Northwestern University. Additionally, dance had always been a huge part of my life. I danced competitively in high school and a year in college, and I continued to place a high importance on fitness, usually working out six days a week. I was dating, enjoying hobbies, and my Catholic faith was also very important to me. I went to weekly mass, adoration, and bible study. In just one moment, except for my faith, all of these aspects of my life were taken from me.
In my book, Stepping Up, I recount a vivid description of the accident, including asking Jesus for forgiveness as my car was rolling. I felt excruciating pain and expected to die. By God’s grace, I didn’t; however, I was left with multiple injuries. I was hospitalized for 11 days, was in a wheelchair for 10 weeks, and couldn’t walk without braces and assisted devices for nearly a year. With surgery and therapy, pain and suffering lasted for two years, and I continue to improve each and every day.
LW: What inspired you to write Stepping Up?
CC: I actually have a whole chapter on this very question in my book. I had never thought about becoming an author; it never crossed my mind. However, when the Holy Spirit keeps nudging you, it’s a good idea to listen. My nana had been telling me for weeks that I should write a book to help others who are suffering. I thought it seemed preposterous at the time. Then one day I got a message from Deacon Roger. He was my 8th grade CCD teacher, and he and his wife brought me communion every Sunday while I was recovering. He asked me if I had started writing my book and told me I had an important story to tell. That same day I was temporarily let go of my marketing contract. I decided to give it a try and wrote the core of my book in three days.
LW: How did God meet you in your suffering? What is He continuing to teach you?
CC: Simply put, God never left me. Even when I didn’t think He was, He was always there. Tangibly speaking, he sent different people along the way to be with me when I needed them. Many of them were people I didn’t know before this accident happened. I think He is continuing to teach me to trust Him––that He will provide. Even if I can’t see how or understand it, He is going to come through for me even when it seems impossible.
LW: How did your injury impact your creativity? You were a dancer before your injury. What are your current creative outlets?
CC: Unfortunately, I can’t ever dance like I used to or ever do my high-intensity fitness classes anymore. However, I do still enjoy listening to music. In terms of creating, I have turned back to writing as my creative outlet. Throughout all my formative years, I loved to read and write. I think with the busyness of life I had forgotten how much I love doing both of those. My recovery allowed much time for reflection, and I’m glad I’m back to spending more time reading and writing!
LW: How has writing Stepping Up impacted you? What have you learned about yourself and the nature of suffering through the healing process? Has writing been a part of the healing process?
CC: God permitted my suffering; He didn’t cause it. However, he used every drop of it for greater good. I’m confident he used it for the salvation of souls, the salvation of my own soul, and many tangible fruits that I’m seeing unfold in my life. For anyone currently suffering, I couldn’t see or say any of that in my misery. In the midst of it, all I could do was trust even when there didn’t appear to be any hope at all. When the next storm comes (hopefully it won’t be as severe!) I pray that I will be more trusting knowing that my suffering is not for nothing.
Writing about it was definitely helpful for myself, but I have actually gotten so much more joy knowing that it’s helping others. I have already had several people (even people I don’t know well or haven’t seen in years) reach out to say that my book has helped them through their sufferings. This book is not just for car accident victims. It is truly a book on redemptive suffering regardless of what the suffering is.
LW: What would you say to those currently experiencing physical or mental suffering?
CC: Do not give up. Turn to prayer again, and again, and again. Even if you think it isn’t working, pray. Even if you think God doesn’t hear your prayer, pray. Even if you think God doesn’t care about you, pray. Prayer and the sacraments are the anchors to getting through extremely difficult situations. I specifically recommend the rosary, which focuses on the life of Christ. If you are too worn out to say the rosary, turn on a video of the rosary from EWTN. I have a story in my book about a time when I didn’t want to pray because I didn’t think my prayers were being heard and by saying the rosary I had a powerful prayer experience. Be not afraid!
LW: Where can readers find you and your work?
CC: My book, Stepping Up: How Christ Turned My Pain & Suffering Into Hope & Joy, is available on Amazon. To get in touch with me, connect with me on Twitter or LinkedIn
