Stop Hunting Down Your Husband
By Carolyn Shields
In my early twenties, I was hoping young adult groups would fulfill every need—that they would be spiritually rewarding and socially healthy, fun but solemn. Rarely it’s both and sometimes it’s barely one or the other. So I would leave, disappointed at my inflated expectations. There’s plenty of other reasons why people may leave these groups after a single visit, but one of the most popular reasons for women is due to the absence of guys.
We tend to think of this one relationship (a romantic one) as the be all end all. Jacques Philippe writes that we can want a good thing, but we want it for the wrong reason. (Let that sink in). And we’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating: one man won’t cure your loneliness. One man won’t take away your social anxiety. One man won’t restore your hope. Even after marriage, this one man won’t heal your issues. Right now, start addressing that lie we tell ourselves, “If only I were dating someone,” or “If I was married, I wouldn’t struggle with…” and so on. One of the worst things you can do in marriage is to put all of that on one guy. How unfair.
And it’s not fair either when we put those same types of expectations on situations, like a young adult group. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to them.
So it’s important to go to those young adult groups even when you aren’t making best friends, or when you feel like you’re not “getting much out of it,” and especially if you realize the main reason you go or went was in hopes of meeting a guy. Be open to what the Holy Spirit has in mind when you give your yes.
We need other relationships in our lives. And maybe, it’s actually through establishing those relationships that we find him.
Fill the aching hole by talking with acquaintances at these young adult groups. Address your need for fulfillment by having coffee with your coworker. Pray about your desire for an increase in hope with the priest during confession. Make intentional time to build relationships with non-future-spouse-people.
And as a bonus? Your new best friend might be his sister. The priest who is your spiritual director might be his older brother. Your coworker might be his aunt. Invest in whatever relationships God puts before you and stop trying to hunt down your husband. Your paths will cross when the time is right.
