Healing From Abusive Relationships
Dear Sisters,
“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” Jeremiah 17:14
Life is full of challenges, and some challenges can break your spirit. Abuse has been present throughout my life. Starting with my mother who was consumed with her trauma which ultimately trickled down to my siblings and I. The years of trauma from my mother caused many problems in my life. I never knew what motherly love felt like or how to be happy with myself. After leaving her house I found myself in an abusive relationship which started in 2014 and ended in May of 2018.
The abuse from my mother was nothing compared to this abusive relationship. Healing from abuse is not an easy task to accomplish. Once you get out of any abusive relationship things do not magically get better. You will deal with flashbacks or random triggers. Sadly, even hearing a single word echoes into a flashback. By the grace of God, I was able to find my way back to him. God blindly lead me back to my family, but it was also through the intercession of the Holy Martyrs and constant prayers from my sister.
Healing from an abusive relationship does not just come from within yourself, it also comes from who you surround yourself with. If you feel God guiding you to the church, I urge each of you to run, run faster than you ever have before. Make it your priority to go on mission trips or retreats or even joining your parishes women’s group.
At the end of the day you heal the most when you make yourself get up and experience the community of our beautiful faith. I also encourage you to be slow and take your time with new relationships. Once you leave the cycle of abuse it is easy to fall back into allowing abuse in your life once again.
Some of the best relationships I have today come from the saints. Through dealing with mental illnesses, I found comfort in my best friend Saint Dymphna. But I also have strong friendships with St. Lucy, St. Faustina, St. Francis Xavier, and many more. These are the relationships that can show you who you should allow in your life. Being friends with the saints offers you growth in your spiritual life as well as growth in your healing. Having such holy friends motivates you to seek good friendships, and to not allow the cycle of abuse happen.
My dearest sisters, finding comfort in abuse does not make you an awful person, but as a child of God you should want more to life and love. Love is not someone constantly putting you down. Love is not finding comfort in a shower just to cry about how ugly you are. Love is God, and our Father loves us endlessly, to the point that he sent his only living Son to die for all of us.
As women we are often seen as fragile, but the Mother of God was young. She carried our savior in her womb through every obstacle, persecution, and adversity just to watch him die. Abuse could happen to you at some point in your life or maybe it already has, but I encourage you to seek the help you need. Seek our Father or our Most Blessed Mother. Healing does not come easily but it becomes a daily battle you can accomplish.
Mama Mary through your intercession we ask you to wrap each of us under your mantle and to come into our hearts for healing and hope.
Love,
Toni
