The Best Grieving Advice I've Ever Received
By Carolyn Ferguson
I’m back at work today after finding out we lost our first baby. I’m sure I’ll only last a few hours here before needing to scoot, and the letters and little gifts staff left on my desk brought tears to my eyes. I put them in my bag to read at home. I got on instagram and saw my inbox messages increase and calmly switched it over to my work’s profile. I’ll read those messages later as well.
And it just reminded me of that time in Philly when I was going through a hard break up and a priest told me such a simple but powerful piece of advice when it comes to dealing with grief:
Tell yourself to think about it later.
“That doesn’t mean you are shoving it down inside of you,” Father Carlos explained. “That doesn’t mean you are ignoring it. You are simply telling yourself, now is not the time but you can take it to prayer and cry about it later if you need to. You take those thoughts and move them around a little to a time when you can give them the attention it deserves.”
This was so helpful to me because grief can be overwhelming and all-consuming. It breaks through your day and surfaces in your mind in what can feel like every other minute, but gently tell yourself, “Not right now, but soon.”
It’s good to get your mind off of things, to resume your work, to show up to commitments if you’re able, and to not let your grief dictate every motion and action. I will read all of those cards and each message and every text, but I’ll save it for later. Because that’s important too: to make sure you do grieve.
Lastly, my husband has taught me the beauty of sitting with our Lord in Gethsemane and keeping him company. I literally just lean against the rock with him and find comfort in the solidarity of suffering. If your grief is too overwhelming when you do address it, perhaps you should try simply placing yourself there, amongst the breeze in the trees, beneath the stars, the distant sounds of the city, the flowers, the scent of the olives…
You are loved.
