The Problem with People Pleasing
By Vanessa Marie Caron
“I kneel before the Father, that He may grant you in accord with the riches of His glory to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” —Ephesians 3:14, 16-19
I am a people pleaser. Having people appreciating me and my works can be a source of joy but, when I fail to measure up, it can also be a source of anxiety and despair. As a wife and mother, my main preoccupations involve caring for my family, cleaning my home, and preparing meals. These are the daily tasks that can’t be left neglected, and yet they are not the only tasks that demand my attention. There are the extra obligations, commitments, and my own personal endeavors that fill the empty spaces in my daily routine. Together, these endless lists of things to do can be overwhelming, especially for someone whose goal is to please those around her.
I carry the expectations of my husband, of my friends, and of society as the standard of my work, endeavouring to reach the bar they’ve set for me or the one that I’ve imagined they’ve set. In an effort to please, I become obsessed with this performance, falsely believing that as long as I perform well, I will be appreciated and loved.
This pursuit stretches me thin and fills me with excess anxiety and stress. It sucks the joy and peace out of me, perverting the very objective of my labours. Instead of being the gift of love I’ve intended, my offering becomes tainted by self-righteousness. Although well-intended, I unknowingly become like the Pharisees. Through pleasing people, my daily pursuits take a subtle shift towards idolatry.
As I write them, these words shock me. Idolatry? Pharisees? How could this be when I pour my heart and soul into serving those around me?
With the morning sun, warm and welcoming, God’s wisdom speaks: do not for love of man, but for love of Me. How could I have muddled the lines between serving others and serving God? The Lord calls us to see Him in those we serve, loving all, treating even strangers the way we’d treat Him. And yet, my reason for serving gets lost somewhere along the way.
Seek to please Me, not the world. Love Me through loving others, not through the pursuit of recognition or praise. Let My love be your reward, allowing it to fill you at all times even if the dishes remain in the sink or the floors go unswept. Keep your eyes on Me, finding joy and peace in Me.
This is not easy when human affirmations bring instant gratification. However, satisfying human expectation is an impossible endeavor, since we will inevitably fall short. When we serve God, out of love for God, our reward is constant and certain; for His love has no conditions, no limits and no matter our shortcomings, His love for us does not waver.
Lord, help me in my daily undertakings to keep my eyes on You, to not seek worldly praise, but to pour my love into the doing, allowing Your love to fill me. Forgive me for getting distracted, for seeking approval of those around me, instead of standing firm in Your love. Thank you for opening my eyes so that I can let Your healing in. Help me in the future, should I fall into old habits, to realign my ways and stand more firmly in Your love. Amen.
