Unselfish Love: Surrendering to God
By Faith Hakesley
God doesn't always answer our prayers in the way we want Him to. Trusting in God seems easy when He answers our prayers in the way we hoped for. When this happens, it's so easy to say how great and wonderful God is. “I knew He would come through for me!” we exclaim, fully confident in His perfect wisdom and love. Cue the praise and worship music.
If only we had such love, trust, and praise for Our Heavenly Father even when He doesn’t answer right away, when He makes us wait, or when His plans aren’t in accordance with our own!
What happens when God doesn't respond to our requests exactly as we want? What happens when He doesn't send us the consolations we desire? We have all been there at one time or another. It's easy to feel sad, angry, anxious, and even abandoned. Suddenly, we start questioning God. “Why are you doing this to me, God? Haven’t I been through enough already? Where are you? Why aren’t you helping me?” Our trust in Him is shattered.
Faith can be difficult at times, especially when we are suffering through seasons of intense struggle. A times, God feels so far away that we are tempted to give up on our faith. We then lose our hope, joy, and peace. While our reactions to disappointments and suffering are normal on a human level, we all need to work on trusting in God even when things aren’t going the way we want. We are called to relinquish control and hand our lives over to Him. This is perhaps easier said than done. It requires our perseverance, patience, and practice.
Many of us struggle to stop trying to take over in the God department especially if we have been hurt. Anxieties developing from our painful past experiences can easily get in the way of our relationship with God. We develop a need to control everything and everyone as a defense mechanism. We do it (often unknowingly) so we don’t get hurt again.
When this lack of trust happens in human relationships, the results aren’t usually good. Being in a good, healthy, and holy relationship with somebody is impossible if you have a need to control their every thought, word, and action. Everyone involved will end up unhappy. The relationship will fall apart. Part of being in a relationship is being able to let go to a point. Thankfully, God understands our weakness and can help to free us. He can help us work towards a greater love and trust for Him (and for others).
In Mother Angelica's book entitled On Suffering and Burnout, she speaks about this very thing:
“On this level of prayer, we pray and love God for Himself alone, not for the gifts or consolations He gives us. This new attitude and degree of love extends itself to our neighbor, and we begin to love him in the same way God loves us – unselfishly. Only through the pain of dryness – where we decrease and He increases – can we begin to love God in the way He wishes us to love. When we pray we are doing so on our will power, for our poor human nature receives no compensation for its efforts. Faith tell us that God is present when we pray, and Hope tells us He listens, but only Love makes us continue to pray when darkness, boredom, and even disgust fill our souls to overflowing. Only a true love will persevere in praying despite darkness and confusion.”
That is so powerful to ponder! God wants us to love Him so much that we trust in Him no matter what.
This is certainly difficult for us. The truth of the matter is that God knows what is best for us even when we don't. If He knows that consolations and little miracles will be beneficial to us, He will send them. These “glimmers of grace” can certainly be helpful. We need to recognize these gifts and thank God whenever He does send them. However, equally important is thanking God and not losing our peace and joy even when He chooses to withhold these gifts.
As Mother Angelica goes on to say, “Any friendship not based on a mutual giving will not last. Selfish love cannot exist between friends for very long, and if that love is the basis of our friendship to God, it is a disaster. Yet to live on a selfish level is so basic to our nature. We tend to love Him on the same level as we love our neighbor-for what He does or can give us.”
We need to stop expecting that God will do whatever we see fit for our lives. He knows what He is doing. He knows the reasons, the time frame, and all the answers. No, we don’t have to sit back and just roll with the punches. However, before we start making big plans for our lives, we have to remember to talk to God. We can ask Him what He wants for us, really and truly listening to the Holy Spirit. God will give us the grace to accept His will in our lives.
When we unselfishly turn ourselves over to God whether we “feel” it or not, we will come to love Him (and others) more unselfishly. We're all works in progress. Some of us have suffered some really hard knocks, making trust more difficult. Regardless of our unique situations and experiences, none of us is alone! We have a Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally, even when we don't feel it.
Our God is an all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful Father who sees the whole picture. We see a mere glimpse. It might be scary at first, but practice loving God with an unselfish kind of love. Practice letting go of your own plans and allow God to take over the “how, when, and why” of your life. When our trust lies in Him, we will find joy, peace, and freedom.
