Meeting the Father and Finding Myself
By Shannon Dooher
In 2015, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “Mission trip.” Although I didn’t know why or how to go about it, I was convicted it was something I had to do. Little did I know that the mission trip I was called to would be an awareness trip to Guatemala in 2019 through the nonprofit Unbound. During this trip I would meet a little girl there who I was financially sponsoring named Darlyn, learn about her culture, and even get to spend a day with her talking about the dreams God had given her. This would be the culmination of a year where the Lord would slowly but passionately reveal how intimately the Father loves His daughter.
Meeting the Father in Confession and Adoration
For so many years I lived from a place of without, I experienced an absence of love that is unconditional and knows no bounds. Shame from childhood wounds kept my heart shut with lock and key and the enemy made me believe I could never receive love and forgiveness. I chased after earthly loves and affection, thinking that if I did everything right, I would be worthy of the affirmation I was longing for––but you can only believe that lie for so long until you reach a breaking point.
That moment finally came when I went on a discernment retreat at the beginning of 2019. During the retreat, there was a perpetual adoration chapel as well as opportunities for confession, and it was in the confessional that I finally poured out my heart and all the wounds I had kept in secret. After a long moment of silence, the priest looked me straight in the eye and told me to look at the crucifix. He said, “Do you see that? Jesus died for your shame. The enemy is ashamed of that.”
Afterwards, as I sat in the sacred silence of the adoration chapel, I heard Jesus say to my heart, “Before I reveal to you what I want you to do with your life, let me love you back to life first.” What I began to realize is my relationship with the Lord is what comes first, and it is from that unconditional foundation of love that the good works will flow. It was through this awakening experience of the Father’s love that the Lord prepared my heart and broke the bonds that would have kept me from receiving the love and joy I had in meeting Darlyn.
Finding Him—and My Daughtership—in Mission
When the appointed time for the mission trip finally arrived, everything that I had learned about the Father that year came to the forefront as I stood on the sacred soil of Guatemala. It was a weeklong trip where my Heavenly Father truly did provide for me and proved Himself faithful.
From meeting the families who were so willing to welcome me into their homes to partaking in a cultural dance together, the experience was filled with so much beauty. I saw that even in the midst of great poverty, these families did not let it define them, they radiated joy. Their joy made me realize just how much our lives matter and must be celebrated together because we are all humans made in the image of our Father.
When I looked into the eyes of Darlyn and her parents on the day of our meeting, I finally understood what unconditional love feels like. I discovered that our stories shared some parallels: like me, Darlyn had also experienced loss in her childhood. Through my healing experience earlier that year, I was able to realize we are both worthy of being seen and having our dreams heard, despite our personal histories. Darlyn’s life is a gift simply because of who she is, and it was worth crossing the ocean just to see her precious smile as we danced to “Padre de Misericordia” (“Father of Mercy”) in the light of our Creator. It was through loving Darlyn that I was able to love and have compassion for the little girl inside me.
I began to see that the heart of the Father is relentless––he will not stop pursuing you until you know deep down how worthy and cherished you really are. His heart is ever present, attentive, gentle, and lavish. When you know at the core of your being that you are a Daughter of God, intentionally made by the Creator of the Universe, nothing in the world will be able to take away your peace. He wants you to be completely and authentically alive, praising Him in the way only you know how to do. Think about this profound fact for a second. Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” God the Father knew your soul deeply and intimately before you even walked this earth. He knows you. Your desire to be seen and understood completely can be fulfilled in the reality that you are a daughter of God. Nothing can change that.
The entirety of 2019—beginning with my time in the confessional and ending with a trip that will forever be a part of my soul—helped me realize that when you know your relationship to the Father, nothing, no sin, shame, or weakness, will be able to keep you from receiving His love. Love sets us free from fear. Love reveals our daughtership as the core of who we are. As 1 John 4:18 states, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love.” May you know deep in your heart and soul how beloved you truly are.
